I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
