You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
