just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
