Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
