You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
