The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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