Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
