Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
