So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
