You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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