They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
