I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
