today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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