She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize