Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
