Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
