i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
