there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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