I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
