This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
