OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
