no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Terrible idea I love it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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