i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
