I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
