I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She's the barista slut.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
