i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
