Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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