maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think I won the penis lottery.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
