Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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