I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
