you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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