I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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