Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
