Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
