You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I am morally bankrupt
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
