If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
