The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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