Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
only you would photoshop your dick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
