Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
