At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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