I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
