then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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