She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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