I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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