I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
