we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
