so that wasnt chicken after all
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
