This dress was meant to end up on your floor
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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