Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
