Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
