we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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