Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize