I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
