what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
we should paint friendship bongs
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