what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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