i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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