kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
