I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
