the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
