I am midnight drunk by noon
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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