We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
