I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The uberlube is also flammable
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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