also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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