every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i will never coherently bang her
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Randomize
