We won't sleep together?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
