can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
