Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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