Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I smell like Dick and happiness
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