Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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