i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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