i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
