Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
