We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
